Commandment Archive - Where Noble Quotes Go To Die....

COMMANDMENT ARCHIVE

* #123 WORDS ARE JUST WORDS, IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU TAKE IT
After playing Kingpin (which had 1,000,000 warnings) and getting carded to see South Park I am left wondering what the big deal is. When you make kids show id to see movies and buy games with bad words, you just crystalize those words as being negative, and that makes kids want to say them more. Who makes the decision of what is obscene and not? I remember when shit, damn, ass, piss were bad words, but now they are on TV with no warnings at all, so what makes fuck special? FUCK FUCK FUCK. Will I go to hell for that? I don't think so. Get a life america, they're just words for Christ's Sake. I could make up a word tomorrow that means person who ass-fucks children for fun, but if I said it you'd have no clue what I meant. So would that be a bad word? Fuck no.

#122 UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE SUCK
Yahoo! bowed out, who's next?

#121 "Life's Short, Don't Be A Dick."
Someone I work with has that bumpersticker, I like it.

#120 WHAT ISN'T FOR SALE?
Look around, anything you can imagine can be sold. Hell I just sold Rine on Ebay, he dosen't know his new owners are picking him up later this afternoon :)

* # 119 EVEN THE MEEK CAN CARRY GUNS
Never underestimate someone by their size or intelligence... They might have a surprise...

* #118 IF YOU DON'T GET SICK FOR 8 YEARS, YOU GOT AN ASSWUPPIN COMIN
*Cough*.... sigh

* #117 BEATING YOUR COMPUTER WON'T FIX IT
Beat your TV, your stereo, your kids, but not your computer. You can't blame the hardware for the software sucking *COUGH WINBLOW$*

* #116 "It is better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt."
Submitted by Wayfarer.

* #115 PEOPLE SUCK
Yup. Downstairs there's this black family that like to jam shitty rap and r&b at 8 AM. I guess they think the whole world loves that shit, I sure don't. The cops will soon be visitiing them ;)

* #114 NO MATTER WHAT THE TROUBLE, SEX IS THE ANSWER
;)

* #113 NO MATTER WHAT THE QUESTION, VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER
Last night at work I was physically attacked by a kitchen guy for asking for three new cheesesticks since the ones they put up were burnt. Suddenly, out of nowhere this kitchen guy starts climbing through the window and raising his fist. As a former Marine I know that hitting someone in the head is stupid, more often you just hurt your hand, so I lowered my head and let him do his worst. His worst did nothing but knock my glasses off and make my ear red, oh gee... I, a long time smartass, immediatly annouced, "he hits like a bitch" and started straightening my shirt etc. to go back to work. My manager come up and askes if I'm ok, and I say 'yep', and he tells me I have the right and witnesses to press charges, so I choose to do so.
In our 'civilized' society we try to act as if we are more evolved, more intelligent, more noble than animals. Animals live in a world where you are in fear of attack or are seeking to attack every single day. We, as humans should not have similar realities, we should 'know better' since we're so 'evolved'. But time and again man resorts to violence without considering the alternatives. And in this case, this animal did not consider the reactions to his actions as well, he lost his well-paying job, will be having full charges pressed, and did no damage to me what-so-ever.
Funny how it worked out, as my manager said (referring to 'who won') "Who won here? Moses dosen't have a scratch on him and Animal is out of a $300-$400 dollar every paycheck job" I only fight if I have no alternative, if there is no other course of action, and this was no threat at all. That's what seperates man from animals, knowing violenece is the last option, the final alternative. And that little puppy is going to pay for not remembering that rule. This is not highschool where you get detention then move on, he's an adult, he's going to get big kid detention ;)

* #112 WOMEN ARE FREAKS
Your girlfriend ever call you up and just start arguing? Did she ever read something you said, and interpret her own way (very different than you meant it)? Did she ever work herself into a frenzy over something SHE misinterpreted? I bet you can say yes to at least one....

* #111 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE BLOWJOB....
A variation of an old saying... More modern I think ;)

* #110 MEN ARE PIGS AND WOMEN ARE STUPID
Wanna argue it ladies? Well, how would you describe someone who dates a pig?

- #109 ALL GOOD THINGS MUST END
I need not explain this.

- #108 MEN WHO GIVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND ADVICE ABOUT HOW SHE SHOULD DUMP YOU PROBABLY WANT TO REPLACE YOU...
It really gets me jacked when I hear "Bob said you treat me like shit"
#1 Does Bob even know me?
#2 Do I care what Bob thinks?
#3 Does she care what Bob thinks?
#4 Why is she telling me this?

- #107 LIFE REQUIRES FOOD, WATER AND SLEEP. ALL ELSE IS LUXURY.
Beer, TV, computers - all luxuries, many people have lived without them...

- #106 HEAT KILLS BRAINCELLS
Man it's so hot/humid here I can barely see straight, it needs to rain BAD. Here at 11TH Commandment HQ we're sweating, no A/C, my electronics bill is the main utility, and I don't want it to go higher...

- #105 YOU NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH WITH COMPUTERS
More, more, more.

- #104 SLEEP IS OVERRATED
Tis true, I'm proving it right now..

- #103 TESTOSTERONE IS WORSE THAN HERION
Man, I'm so addicted, and when I see a particular woman I can't control myself... ;)

- #102 LOVE IS A BOWL OF CHERRIES, AND I'M SOOOO HUNGRY
Does that sound sick?

-#101 LOSING SOMEONE (OR THING) ONLY TEACHES US TO APPRECIATE WHAT WE HAVE
Bowing my head for a lost page of news....

#100 DUCT TAPE IS GOD'S GIFT TO THE POOR HANDYMAN
Some folks pay $1,000 to fix a broken bumper, some just duct tape it.....

#99 PEOPLE WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOR HAVE NO LIFE AT ALL
I know too many.

#98 THE PAST, NO MATTER HOW BAD, MAKES US WHO WE ARE NOW
Think about this, if you had not gone through some of the painful stuff in your lives, would you know better the next time? Consider the first marriage that fell apart, when you met wife #2 you knew what NOT to do the second time around. That first car wreck might just been what saved your ass in a later near accident. The girl that dumped you, opened your oppotunities for Mrs. Right to waltz on in....

#97 NOTHING IS FREE
Dammit, cept those herpes.....

#96 TAKE A GOOD LOOK AROUND, IN A FEW YEARS YOU'RE FREEDOM MIGHT NOT BE THERE
Metering the net, censoring the net, not showing TV shows, clamping down on video games. Where will it end? WAKE UP AMERICA! They're pulling the rug out from under you slowly...

#95 MUSIC IS NOT ABOUT MONEY, IT'S ABOUT DANCING
Musicians make a small percentage off the albums released by the RIAA, most money made by these artists come in the form of endorsements, commercials, merchandising and mainly.... touring. I recently read an article about Alanis Morissette's interaction with MP3.com. Seeing the future of music, and that the money is in touring, not albums, she and Tori Amos are doing a 5 1/2 week tour sponsored by MP3.com. Recordings will be made of these shows not for Cd's, but for MP3's on the net. This is a bold move for Morissette who is basically saying f#*k the RIAA. After the sucessful completion of this tour I think other artists will have to take a long hard look at their relationship with the RIAA. They could make more decisions for themselves, as well as make more money. Smaller artists could become huge by recording, distributing and advertising digitally. Instead of being controlled by profit grubbing labels, they could say, "hell no, I'm doing this!" And in the end any money they earn is theirs, not some group of bastards more interested in money than in the music they release.

#94 MONEY IS BAD, GET RID OF IT
Email me and I'll give you my address, I'll get rid of it for you.

#93 WHAT'S THE POINT IN HYPOTHETICAL ANSWERS TO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
What would you say to God? Do you really think you'd say that?

#92 GOOD SEX IS LIKE GOOD FOOD--- EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH, YOU GO BACK FOR MORE
Need I say more? MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ;)

#91 A MAN TRAVELS THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF WHAT HE NEEDS, ONLY TO RETURN HOME TO FIND IT...
This is submitted by abraxas, my unknown stalker... ;P Whoever you are, given recent changes around here, and conversations I've recently had, I am left wondering if this is in reference to these events and conversations. If so there is a very small amount of people I imagine would know these things... Especially since it's very true for me currently.

#90 EGOS ARE ESSENTIAL AS CO-PILOTS, BUT AS DRIVERS THEY SUCK
This is not a gem exactly, but it fits a current situation, and my mind is sort of sluggish at 5 AM... I have found that an ego can be your best friend, it can help you overcome loss and pain (especially with women) when you let it give you some directions. But when you blindly let it do the driving (I did this for a few years) it'll eventually drive you right into a wall.

Main Entry: ego
Pronunciation: 'E-(")gO also 'e-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural egos
Etymology: New Latin, from Latin, I -- more at I
Date: 1789
1 : the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world
2 a : EGOTISM 2 b : SELF-ESTEEM 1
3 : the one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the
person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality -- compare ID, SUPEREGO
- ego·less adjective

This one is for abraxas, whoever you are... I'll put my mind more to a better one for the next day, now I must sleep.....

#89 UNTIL THEY KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR, COLLECTION AGENCIES ARE BLUFFING
At least I hope so....

#88 QUAKE TAKES BALLS, AND CHICKS HAVE NONE
Fadz, Creep and I were once on a server with some Clan PMS ho's and we ran the bitches off. Hell even Fadz fragged one or two of them... ;)

#87 NOTHING SAYS 'I LOVE YOU' LIKE A BITCHSLAP
Try it, she'll look at you like never before... That's the love in her eye... :)

#86 GEORGE LUCAS OWNS YOU
First consider all his $$$ Then consider the fact that this guy could put out a flick with him just sitting there acting out scenes with penis puppets and call it Star Wars Penis Puppets, and it would make about one hundred zillion dollars. Next ponder the marketing genius. Also view the themes in the movies that can attract ANYBODY. These films are for the whole damn family, they have some violence, some special effects, some love crap, some puppets, all you could want. Damn, what a guy.

#85 SCREW PRICE, ALWAYS GO FOR QUALITY
From now on, no more 'bargain' computer parts.....

#84 MP3'S ARE GOD'S MUSIC FORMAT
God's been rappin with me lately, and he's been giving me info for the new millenium. Follow these words and you'll go far ;)

#83 LINUX IS GOOD FOR YOUR KARMA...
I hear that you go right to heaven if you use Linux....

#82 BEWARE THE BACKSTREET BOYS, ONE OF THEM IS THE ANTI-CHRIST
It's true, God told me....

#81 A MAN IS MEASURED BY THE POWER OF HIS ROCKET LAUNCHER
*COUGH* id.....

#80 GETTING ERECTIONS FOR COMPUTER GAMES IS NOT WEIRD...
....................

#79 LINUX IS A NEVER ENDING ADVENTURE
After nearly mastering Winder$, it so nice to feel like a computer idiot again...

#78 QUIT READING THIS, GO PLAY Q3TEST!
Um... you still here?

#77 RESISTING SOMETHING GRANTS IT LIFE
Hence the return of my scripts.....

#76 MONEY IS COOL....
Think about it, you can like buy stuff, go places, eat, play Quake... Ahhhh.... Wish I had some. :)

#75 YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS IF YOU HAVE THE INTERNET
Look at some of the Links Of The Day, seriously..... If not for too much time, they wouldn't exist.. :)

#74 FRIENDLY DRUNKS CAN BE MORE ANNOYING THAN UNFRIENDLY DRUNKS
When they are right next to you, singing at the top of their lungs... ....

#73 JUST AS YOU GET UP ON THE MONEY, SOMETHING COMES TO TAKE IT AWAY
Bill collectors, car breaking down, speeding tickets..... Can't a brother get a break?

#72 BOOZE IS AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY GIFT
A hint for my pals....

#71 IF ONLY COMPUTERS HAD BREASTS..............
I rarley leave the house as is unless it's to go to work, if this sucker had headlights... I'd never leave.

#70 CHASE THEM... BUT DON'T CATCH THEM
The thrill of the chase is good, when you catch them it's all over.... They gain 100 lbs, start farting in front of you, and become bitches...

#69 NEVER PISS OFF THE PERSON WHO HANDLES YOUR FOOD.....
For all you rude peple out there.... Consider that when eating out....

#68 README'S ARE IN ALL CAPS FOR A REASON.....
Sigh......

#67 IT AIN'T EASY BEING CHEESY
Um... Toxy?

#66 CHASING IS FUN, CATCHING IS HELL
More often than not when I've caught them, they turn out to be real turds. They look and act wonderful before, but after... psychotic, nasty monsters.

#65 MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING, BUT IT'S DAMN NICE
Hint, click my banners.. :)

#64 THE BIGGER THE TESTICLES, THE WEAKER THE WILL POWER
They get bigger, you get dumber.

#63 BONERS ARE ACTUALLY YOUR BODY SAYING "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, SHE'S A DANGEROUS ONE.."
Yup, if only I knew what my pecker meant all these years, and here I thought he meant go after her... :/

#62 LINUX + Q3A LINUX = ABSOLUTE ENLIGHTENMENT
Q3A will be shipping a Linux version. I'm there.....

#61 PEOPLE ARE SCUM
Think about it. Name one person who isn't... besides Kate Moss...

#60 IF VIDEO GAMES MADE ME INSANE, I'D ALREADY BE LOCKED UP
Can you say 'idiotic lawsuit against id software and others cause we didn't raise our kids right?'

#59 IF YOU EAT COOKIES EVERYDAY, YOU'LL LEARN TO DISLIKE COOKIES
Now apply that to sex.

#58 IF IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT, IT PROBABLY TASTES LIKE SHIT TOO.
Ancient restaurant wisdom.

#57 YOU CAN NEVER KNOW WHAT A WOMAN WANTS, HELL THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEMSELVES
You take things slow, they complain you don't show enough affection, as soon as you get smooshy, they say you're smothering them. You can't win.

#56 YOU CAN'T TRUST ANY GODDAMN WOMEN
Name one woman (besides your mom etc) who you completly trust. Remember the person you name (if you can think of one) and watch it, the bitch will betray you eventually, trust me. Tis their nature to be conniving, lying, evil bitches, they can't help it.

#55 BILL GATES TRANSLATES AS 'TO CHARGE A FEE TO GO THROUGH AN ENTRANCE'
Consider the implications of this, Bill Gates is a gatekeeper who charges to go through his passage. His passage is an OS that has everything being designed for it, which is between you and the net. So what this means is he holds the key to the most used passage, and he can charge for it, no matter how dangerous (unstable) the passage actually is.

Bill, v. t. 1. To advertise by a bill or public notice. 2. To charge or enter in a bill; as, to bill goods.

Gate (?), n. [OE. et, eat, giat, gate, door, AS. geat, gat, gate, door; akin to OS., D., & Icel. gat opening, hole, and perh. to E. gate a way, gait, and get, v. Cf. Gate a way in the wall, 3d Get.] 1. A large door or passageway in the wall of a city, of an inclosed field or place, or of a grand edifice, etc.; also, the movable structure of timber, metal, etc., by which the passage can be closed. 2. An opening for passage in any inclosing wall, fence, or barrier; or the suspended framework which closes or opens a passage. Also, figuratively, a means or way of entrance or of exit.

#54 NEVER DO ANY REAL WORK ON YOUR DAY OFF
It's your day off (from work, school) right? Why the hell would you want to woork? Today I accomplished absolutely nothing on my day off, I'm so proud I could shit... but that'd be work... I can't understand those teachers that assign homework on the weekends, they must have terrible home lives... hmmmm, so do I... :(

#53 BREASTS MAKE WOMEN RETARDED
Consider it, all that blood that should be going to their brains is going their headlights instead, and this makes them retards. I know, you women will say some crap like, 'men's blood goes to their penises' but this is not so. Men's schlongs stay small and shriveled when not in use to keep blood usage at a minimum, so our brains get all the oxygen they need. When are jimmies get erect, they suck our blood from our brains, but this is a for a couple of reasons: We throw common sense (that bitches are evil) away, and pursue them.We become more animalistic, to increase sexual prowess.We can ignore pain/exhaustion associated with long periods of animalistic sex.We forget that by having sex with this chick we've just doomed ourselves to future pain and suffering. This in turn helps to continue our species, for if men were always in complete mental perfection (as we normally are) then we would never go near those nasty creatures.

#52 ANY CREATURE THAT CAN BLEED FOR A WEEK AND LIVE MUST BE EVIL....
For those of you slow of mind..... Think opposite of men.

#51 EVEN STUPID PEOPLE HAVE A PURPOSE, TO WORK AT McDONALD'S AND TO AMUSE YOU
See the above story.. Not sure who's a bigger idiot, the kid, or his NIMROD parents.

#50 TESTOSERONE, THE MOST EVIL DRUG
This damn drug makes you a helpless fool to woman, promotes violence, and makes you unable to control yourself. Think about all the wars and murders that could be avoided if you could lessen the dosage... :P

#49 GOD MADE WOMEN BEAUTIFUL TO ENSURE PROCREATION
Consider this, if women were ugly, would men have anything to do with them?

#48 LIFE... WHAT'S THE POINT?
I wonder this one almost daily. Especially when I'm running my ass off at work...

#47 DON'T UPDATE YOUR WEBPAGE WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK
Um...

#46 ALCOHOL IS GOOOD FOR KILLING BRAINCELLS....
Um...huh?

#45 "FREE YOUR MIND, AND YOUR ASS WILL FOLLOW"
Familiar with P. Funk? No, well then you might be an idiot. Also, consider that quote as you go see The Matrix again....

#44 "....AND THE MARK OF THE ANTI-CHRIST WILL BE MS...."
From my revised bible.....

#43 BO DON'T PLAY QUAKE....
Makes you feel like you got a skill that means something............

#42 "IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, LET IT GO. IF IT DOES NOT COME BACK, HUNT IT DOWN AND KILL IT."
Read that somewhere a while back... :)

#41 SLEEP IS OVERRATED
I normally get between 3-5 hours a night, and I feel great....... Um, what's my name again?

#40 CAFFIENE IS GOOD
Don't need to say any more......

#39 LIFE'S LIKE A TOILET
Always receiving shit, get swirled around a lot, and basically you just sit there and suck. Not to mention the swirlies....

#38 GOD MUST BE A WOMAN
It's the only way I can figure out why men are made to suffer as we do.....

#37 WOMEN, CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM, CAN'T KILL THEM.
Sigh....

#36 There are two rules for ultimate success in life: #1. Never tell everything you know.
Submitted by Wayfarer. I make this one a point to remember.. :)

#35 'If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.'
This was in Bobby Duncanson's .plan file, source listed as 'Unattributed'. It seems to also apply to any relations with females. So, whoever you are... you are a sage...

#34 DRINK LOT'S OF ALCOHOL, IT DEADENS THE PAIN OF LIFE
Doing it now....

#33 LIFE IS A PERPETUAL LOOP OF MADNESS
Discovered this enlightenment watching my friend play the best Nintendo (original) game ever, Wrecking Crew. As the demo played over and over it came to me that Mario was running in a perpetual loop of madness. Further reflection showed that I was too... :)

#32 LIFE SUCKS
Yep. Get used to it.

#31 NOTHING IS MEANT TO BE
Consider the meaning of that statement, it can tell you alot about yourself. Do you see it as saying, you can be 100% certain of something happaning, then it dosen't cause there is no such thing as something meant to be, such as destiny. Or do you view it more severely, the future holds one thing, NOTHING. As in the only thing meant to be is NOTHING.

#30 "NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM TALKING NONSENSE; THE MISFORTUNE IS TO DO IT SOLMNLY" -Montaigne
In regards to my recent flame war (started by my PQ bashing), but not necessarily about me.. :) Submitted by Wayfarer.

#29 LOVE IS LIKE A BURNING FLAME, WHICH BURNS DOWN YOUR HOUSE AND DESROYS EVERYTHING YOU OWN
Note, this particular Dingle was on a scrap of paper I found that I wrote a couple years ago, so please women I know.... don't flame me. :P

#28 EVERYBODY IS ON THEIR OWN TRIP
Think about it, everybody is doing their own thing, trouble is accepting it. Hell, I don't expect folks to just say "cool man, that Quake is killer, you're cool," of course some folks will think my Quake trip is stupid (they must be stupid) so why should I blame some fool for not accepting my trip? Same on both ends. For instance, those Jehova's Witness's that bang on your door at 8 AM, before you rip their lungs out, consider this, they're on their own trip. Hell I might have just figured out how to promote world peace... :P

#27 THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF WOMEN. THE TYPE THAT STAB YOU IN THE BACK, AND ONES WHO DON'T HAVE KNIVES.
The trick is to keep the knives out of their hands, that is give them nothing to stab you with. If you don't 100% trust and respect the female in question yet, don't go giving her secrets and telling her how you really feel, it can be used as the knife to stab you later. However, if you do feel that you trust her 100%, then by all means open your back up, it's the only way to really build a solid relationship, however... if you're wrong.... In slips the blade.

#26 "SOMETIMES YOU EAT THE BEAR, SOMETIMES THE BEAR EATS YOU."
Since the first time I met Wayfarer, he's been spouting that line, and it's sooo true. Although most of the time it seems that the bear not only ate me, but also molseted my corpse first. But once in a while... I eat him... :)

#25 QUAKE COULD PROMOTE WORLD PEACE
Consider it, instead of going to war, and wasting millions of dollars and lives to solve some petty dispute, have the countries that are conflicting have their best Quake players duke it out to solve the problem. So many lives could be saved, and all we'd need is a LAN set up in some neutral country, say Sweden, and send the countries there to battle for supremecy. Consider how many wars could have already been prevented... For instance, do you really think that Saddam could beat Billy boy in Q1 DM? No way, Bill would be all laid back from getting 'special warm-ups' from an intern, and he'd just zone and own. Heehee, I made up a new slogan... ZONE AND OWN.

#24 SOME PEOPLE ONLY ARE ALIVE CAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
I read that on the wall at the towtruck company that took my car the other day. It's very true I'm sure you agree, I bet offhand you can think of at least three folks in this catagory. I've often dreamed that the goverment gave me 24 hours to kill anyone I want. I'd invite them all to a little party and then burn the building down and shoot any that managed to escape the flames... :P
I am so sick.....

#23 BE A LAZYASS
Most of us have jobs right? Those of us who do not get $$$ from ma and pa I assume, either is applicable. Unless you plan on having the job you have for a long time (career choice) then NEVER BUST YOUR ASS. Why? Well, I'll give an example from my current job (although this is applicable to most of my other jobs too) where I busted my ass from the beginning. So I work hard as hell at first, and I play the work politics very well, so I end up getting some advantages at first, a set shift, good section (I'm a waiter). Then somehow I get into cover management training, 'Ok, I'll be a manager.' I think. So I start that, then I end up getting more and more midnight manager shifts, at $6.00 an hour (I make between 6-15 an hour as a server). Then I get out of that and start getting weekend manager shifts (during dinnertime, the $$$ making time as a server). Now this is killing me financially, but hey, I'm a manager... Slowly I realize what I suspected all along, I 'm getting fucked in the ass. Howso? Well my manager is getting a manager that works for $6 and hour, instead of a salaried $300+ a week. Secondly, I can be shoved on the busy ass shifts that my main manager never seems to have to work (cause I'm there) so he can kick back and work the cheese-assed dayshifts. Also, now I'm under constant scrutiny from the managerial types and other workers to 'walk on water'. So now every little mistake I make is the spectacal of the hour.
Now let us consider the lazy-assed, piece of shit employees... They have worked as long as I have there, but do NO WORK AT ALL, well unless it helps them specifically. They get the shifts they want, they get the sections, they get the same $$$ (more if you consider not getting fucked at the $6 an hour rate). Also, these folks are expected to be turds, so when they stand around slacking managers just say, 'Oh well, look who it is..." So I say BE A LAZYASS. You'll stilll get paid the same, and not have to do a damn thing.....

#22 THE COPS HATE YOU
How often have you encountered one of our nation's finest and come away feeling like you were treated humane, like a tax payer, like a american citizen, like you have rights? Lemme guess.... Like never?
So this morning there's a banging on my door, I throw on some duds (I sleep in da buff) and go to the door. There stands my downstairs neighbor Allen, "They're towin your car man!" FUCK. I think 'what'd I do now?' So I run downstairs and outside, and not only is there a towtruck, but some swine in their swine mobile staying toasty. So I stroll up to Mr. Towtruckman and ask "May I ask what the fuck you are doing with my car?" He says "Ask the cops." So I stroll over to the cops (now getting out of their car into the chilly air.. WAH) and ask exactly why my car is being removed from my LEGAL parking spot. He points to my plates and says "That's why" I take a look, and after a second or two notice my sticker reads 98..I do some quick finger counting and realize... IT IS 1999, damn. (Side note, since I was 16 and first got a car my car stuff has been in my mom's name to keep rates low and such, now I am old enough to have it cheap for myself, but it's easier to keep it that way, and it helps to keep her rates low since I pay half) Apparantly my dear mother just didn't bother to pay her property taxes (again) and I have to suffer. So I ask exactly why there was no warning, ticket, letter, etc prior to this shit. Pig says "Owner came up at a different address, and we didn't feel like driving over there." (Note, my mother lives at most 1.5 miles away from this present location.) I say, "It's in her name, I just drive it, how the hell am I supposed to know about the taxes etc if I get no warning?" They say "Not our job." I say 'That's justice," and walk back inside grumbling obscenities about murder and guns. Now, as an tax paying american don't I deserve some fucking repect? Could not this been avoided if the drove their LAZY BITCH COP ASSES 1.5 miles to my mothers to say "Your car's gonna get towed if you don't pay." I would have rushed down to the PD and paid the lil hos to keep my car, BUT NO! Not only that, they towed it on today (Saturday) so I can do nothing till Monday. This means #1 Storage fees for my car. #2 A couple days bumming rides. #3 A hell of a lot of anger building up. #4 Money down the tubes. So here is a mesage to our nations finest... SUCK MY DICK YOU FUCKING PIGS!

#21 DON'T TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT CHICKS THINK/WANT, THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEMSELVES
There's a word to describe women: FRIVOLOUS
Main Entry: friv·o·lous. Pronunciation: 'fri-v&l-&s, -v&-l&s
Function: adjective
1 a : of little weight or importance b : having no sound basis (as in fact or law) <a frivolous lawsuit>
2 a : lacking in seriousness b : marked by unbecoming levity
- friv·o·lous·ly adverb. - friv·o·lous·ness noun.

And the thesaurus shows synonyms for FRIVOLOUS:
Entry Word: frivolous. Function: adjective.
Text: Synonyms GIDDY 1, bird-witted, dizzy, empty-headed, featherbrained, flighty, harebrained, rattlebrained, scatterbrained, silly
Related Word shallow, superficial, unprofound; gay, light, playful

You do the math....

#20 THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH TP
So you just finished dropping a mighty, steaming log into your bowl, and you reach for some TP...... And there is none. So you end up hobbling with your pants semi up to wherever a spare roll is, and there is none (OH NO!) So you sit there for a moment thinking 'um... what can I use in the near vicinity?' So you hobble to the kitchen for paper towels (ouch), but you're out of those too.... So then what?
Here's a few ideas:

Coffee Filters
Newspaper
Some old cloth thing (T-shirt, towel, sock) :P
Take a shower and 'wash up'

So remember, more TP is a good thing, buy it in 24 packs whenever you can. It is an investment worth it's weight in gold.

#19 IF YOU DO NOT OWN A COMPUTER, AND ARE NEW TO COMPUTERS IN GENERAL, LEARN LINUX AND DON'T TOUCH WINBLOWS PRODUCTS WITH A 1,000,000 FOOT POLE
Seriously, if you're thinking of learning about computers, and about buying your own box, GO LINUX ALL THE WAY. Besides being unstable, expensive, hard and expensive to tech support and in general Winblows products (all of thenm, 95, 98, NT) are pieces of shit.

#18 BUFFETS, SALAD BARS AND OTHER 'ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT' BARS ARE GIFTS FROM GOD
Consider the implications of this saying 'ALL YOU CAN EAT'. Powerful ain't it? You can walkin to this place with like $5-10 bucks and eat for as long (within reason) and hard as you like. OMG. the joy... At home I have like Ramen Noodels, oatmeal, some stale pizza (another gift from God) and Mt Dew (Rine's) and Coffee. So when I am hime, I am starving. However I can visit a restuarant and eat enough to last me two days :) AND, get this.. I am a waiter/manager at a restaurant with a HUGE salad bar, so I get discounts :P

#17 WAYFARER'S LAW #2 "ASK A WOMAN TO PROVE SOMETHING AND SHE WILL... TO HER SATISFACTION."

#16 "A WOMAN SEES IN SOMETHING WHAT SHE WISHES TO SEE, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER IT IS THERE OR NOT"
That is a VERY accurate take on an email I recently received.
A certain someone read my page recently and said "Seems that i can learn your goings-on by reading this thing." Well no, see most of the Dingleberries come from discussions with my pal Way, and we pop out some shit in the subject matter that is worthy of posting. Some of it is related, but the Dingleberries are a reflective view of it, not the real thing.

#15 QUAKE IS A VALID RELIGION
Do you play (pray) daily?
Does it give you meaning in life?
Do you view id as GODS who give us divine gifts from the holy land (Texas)?
Do you religiously read the news pages, comics, and anything on the net for more information about it?
Do you catch yourself looking at those Q3A screenshots and longing and drooling?
Do you sit in your house for several days straight and play Quake when you have bills to pay nad other 'real life' things you need to do (like eat)?
Do you know of thousands of other worshippers?

Trust me, it fills the whole void that any religion can. And it only asks one $50 donation a year for higher levels of enlightenment.

#14 "FEMALES ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. NO MATTER HOW WRONG YOU KNOW THEY ARE, THEY'RE ALWAYS RIGHT. "
My homy Gusty sent me this one, think he's been through some shit recently :)

#13 "AIN'T NOTHING BUT A SPECK OF DUST, ON A FLEAS LEG, ON A HAIR ON THE LEG OF GOD."
Wayfarer knows a fella that he mentioned to me 'The Tennessee Zen Dude' that speaks some very interesting wisdom. This Dingleberry puts you into perspective when you think you're sooo L33T

#12 LEARN TO WALK TIGHTROPES
Females are very confusing, this we know, but here's a common 'excuse' to wander off for them. Being too something, or not enough something. Example, with girl #1 you came on strong as the sweet nice fella you are, she wanders off, 'he was too nice' she tells her friends. So with girl #2 you try to be more removed and distant and give them room to breath, she wanders off cause you didn't show enough emotion etc.
Your confused eh? Me too. So by learning to walk tightropes you can get a feel for knowing what is too much and what is too little. However a simpiler method would be to become psychic... 8P

#11 BOOZE TO GET THEM, BOOZE TO FORGET THEM
Nothing gets them to open up and talk about the real stuff like a few beers. I'm not advocating get em drunk and fuck, I'm saying they end up saying some shit they normally hold back when they're intoxicated. Trick is not to say too much yourself...
Once they dump you (90% will, trust me) booze helps to cure what ails you. It helps cloud the mind, and rebuild that confidence. Hell you'll forget about her after a two week drinking binge, trust me :)

#10 USING THE BFG AND GETTING WITH GIRLS HAVE A LOT IN COMMON
You gotta lead that shot man, don't run in and fire right at her, you see her scurry right, fire hard right, she'll walk right into it...
BLAM!!!

#9 ALL ALCOHOL SHOULD REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING LABEL, "WARNING, WILL IMPAIR ABILITY TO JUDGE ASS SIZE."
Ahem, not that I'd really know the effects...

#8 THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING IS A VERY LONELY MAN....
I don't need to elaborate any further....

#7 Top 10 reasons your Computer is Better than Your Girlfriend
10)    Your Computer doesn't mind if you play around on another computer!
09)    Your Computer will actually hook up with another computer and play!
08)    It is possible to get a Low Maintainence Used Computer!
07)    Your computer doesn't mind if you strip it down in front of your buddies!
06)    Your Computer WANTS you to play video games!
05)    Your computer will SHOW you porn on the internet
04)    Your Computer will also go out and FIND PORN for you!
03)    When you reboot your computer it doesn't take 2 hours to get ready!
02)    Your Computer will go with you to Lan Parties and have fun!

And the number 1 reason your computer is better than your girlfriend:
TWO WORDS - POWER SWITCH

#6 PLAY QUAKE 24 HOURS A DAY
Since Quake is more addictive than crack, it won't be hard, and the benefits are HUGE.

#1   Being able to blow people into giblets with getting arrested.
#2   MAJOR stress relief (see #1).
#3   Helps kill social skills. This is good for helping to avoid WROHS (Woman Rip Out Heart Syndrome)
      (NOTE: this is not directed at any certain girl so don't take it wrong).
#4   Male Bonding. Meeting tons of other fellas that feel the same way about #1-3.
#5 Makes you feel like you aren't as lazy as you are. Think about all those constructive hours spent making that skin...
#6 Cheaper than crack, pot or beer. However all of those might increase your Quake experience...
#7 Makes you feel skilled and talented. You may not have a good job, a nice car, lots of money...so what, you hit fraglimit twice last night :)
#8 Increase your hand/eye coordination and motor skills.
#9 Learn more about your computer than ever before. Since I started playin Quake (and Q2) I have learned more about building, tweaking,
     optimizing, repairing and everything else possible just to make my Quake experience more enjoyable. It's all about them frames and that ping dammit.
#10 You got something better to do?

#5 NO MATTER HOW WISE YOU ARE, WOMEN CAN STILL OWN YOU
Accept it. Every single woman in the universe has the innate, unconscious ability to own men without even trying. Even the stupidest of them, and the intelligent ones are more lethal than an atom bomb...

#4 BE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE TO GIRLS
Rine in his wise Buddha like way has without even trying stumbled upon the most simple method for avoiding the pain that women can inflict. He without trying can piss off any woman in like 5 seconds, and although he always says that it sucks and he's dumb for doing it, I must say I envy how he has managed to avoid the serious pain that women can so easily inflict.

#3 DON'T MIX HO'S WITH BRO'S.
My wise and humorous roommate/clannie/best friend Rine shared this nugget with me referring to hanging out with your friends and girlfriends at the same time...

#2 FRIENDS DON'T BLOW FRIENDS
In reference to a female 'friend' who made a joke to me about giving me a blowjob...

#1 TREAT NEW GIRLS LIKE NEW CARS
Getting involved with a new girl is like getting your first car. You want to drive fast and drive eveywhere in it, but on like the third day you wreck your new car speeding and lose your license till you're 18.